如何聆听内在的心声，是人生必学课程之一。因为心随别人动，身就听从了不同人的指引，就会把自己迷失在种种潮流中，而失去自我也就在情理之中了。心装得太多与自己大方向无关又与自己有关的闲事，心中自然就进不去清风细雨，这是许多人苦恼的源泉。有了这种心情，人生才能获得真正的幸福。每个人的生活都有一条上升曲线，依附并加强这条线的，惟有我们的现实生活。“你可以确定在一个人的怀里，却不能确定在不在他的心里”。有人放你在心上，有人放你在床上。对于不同的人，世界呈现不同的面貌。在精神贫乏者眼里，世界也是贫乏的，世界丰富的美是依每个人心灵丰富的程度而开放的。即使是一根稻草，你若是老举着它在阳光下汗流浃背都是难过的，而一方巨石，你把它搁在一边，它又怎么会使你沉重？上帝为人类关上一道门的时候，必定同时为他开了另一扇窗！想一想，一生中有多少时候，我们把自己放逐在世界丰富的美之外了？我们的每个日子，都是内容不同的书，风格迥异的一幅画。美丽，不是指你拥有什么东西，而是你拥有一种让自己美丽起来的心情。其实，只是我们的脚步太匆忙了，常常忘记去读它，欣赏它，随意地游览过去，便断言生活是一味地今日抄袭昨日，只是公式化的衣食住行罢了。得到什么算成功？得到多少算圆满？这想这是个不定数。我们都是平凡的人，如果我们能够静下来，老老实实地把生活一本一幅地看，用心细细地品味其内涵，然后把愉美的刹那，感动的心情，一字一句地作为生活之文章。伯恩斯说：几乎所有的痛苦都是由钻牛角尖引起的。与大自然相比，我个人很渺小，在时间长河中，我的人生也只不过是短短的一瞬，的确，思索就是在自讨苦吃。"可今天的我想开了也觉得没什么，在心上，在床上其实本质上并无区别。不爱的，你会毫不犹豫的拒绝，而你爱的，你还不是一样要陪他上床，形式不同，结果都一样。男人，即便是再爱一个女人，也一样会回归到最原始的主题。没人会喜欢永远陪你细水常流的柏拉图，也没人会永远耐心的和你进行精神碰撞，开始会和你煽情渲染气氛，然后用这个来烘托后面的目的。爱情，也许就是一个人在说谎，另一个人静静地看着那些谎言。所以，与其相信床上的承诺，不如相信世上有鬼。女人，总爱说男人是色狼，其实自己又何尝不是狐狸。女人也在诱惑男人，有的人用身体，有的人用灵魂，有的人用物质，手段各异。一切从精神开始，一切到肉体结束。

　　如果说爱能生恨，性又怎么不可以繁殖出爱？对结局有困惑时爱情会提供很多答案，性却会提出很多疑问。一个人可能会以各种各样的状态打入到另外一个人的情感世界，你或者爱上了让你笑的人，也或者爱上了给你高潮的人，一个归为精神恋爱，一个归为肉体恋爱。忘记从哪看来的“上床之后，爱情哭了”，爱加上了性有的会更浓烈，有的却变了味道。" 拥有,既是过程,又是结果;既体验到一种满足,也会走进一种意想不到的意境。拥有,从来都是坚持的结果;因为坚持,所以就妄谈放弃。假如你拥有了财富,不就不为贫穷所困扰？假如你拥有了智慧,就不愚昧而茫然？假如你拥有健康,就不为病痛所折磨？假如你拥有了美丽,就不为丑陋而苦恼？假如你拥有了幸福，就不为寒酸而惆怅？假如你拥有了尊严,就不为渺小而卑微？假如你拥有了安详,就不因俗念而浮躁？假如你拥有梦想,就不因没有归宿而困惑？假如你拥有恋人,就不为渴爱而焦灼。拥有让你获得价值,也同时取得一种资格。这资格不一定为他人或世俗认可,而是你心灵的一种印证,一种超越,人生不在于拥有很多很多,而在于你的拥有确属于你自己。拥有,是一种客观的存在,同时也是一种心理感觉。任何属于自己的拥有,只有当我们的心灵感知到它的时候,我们才能享受它的滋味。享受,不是无端的挥霍和占有。享受,是品尝,是咀嚼,是用心细细去感受,只有你细细品尝咀嚼到拥有的滋味,你才真正把握拥有的价值。可惜人类最容易犯的一个错误：当你拥有的时候,不懂得用心去珍惜;一旦失去,才如梦方醒知道哪个东西的弥足珍贵。

　　"爱上一个人，爱上一种感觉还是爱上身体，都没有错，错的是不知道自己最终想要的是什么，其实错了也并不可怕，可怕的是至死都不肯认错。" 人总在想办法弄清到底应该怎么样去爱？爱要怎样才精彩？总想在爱里寻找快乐和幸福.…..可是人们就从来没有想过:爱情究竟是什么?到底有没有爱情这个东西?爱情有没有可能是人类社会最大的谎言呢?在这个世界上，有许多事情是我难以预料的。我不能控制机遇，却可以掌握自己；我无法预知未来，却可以把握现在；我不知道自己的生命到底有多长，我却可以安排眼下的生活；我左右不了变化无常的天气，却可以调整自己的心情。坚持，为一个爱的过程而坚持，有时是很寂寞的。意志薄弱的人，往往在寂寞袭上心头的时候，会改变人生的方向，不再秉持已有的原则或定力。于是，会给自己的人生带来或是遗憾，或是悔恨，或是无奈。从这个角度上说，寂寞是意志的精神杀手，真是生命中难以承受之轻。寂寞有时就意味着孤独，意味无聊，意味着远离主流。这时往往正是考验一个人意志力的时候，真正能够将一种生命状态坚持到底的人，在这样的情况下，必须能耐住寂寞，独守心规，在孤独中执著地追求，成就生命的期盼。那么你会觉得，处处美丽。

　　每个女人都在追求既把你放在心上又放在床上的人。可爱的历程却凝聚了苦辣酸甜的人生体验之后的况味，将人带入一种静寂的境界。没有体验过寂寞的人永远也不会有丰满内心世界,惟有能够承担广大无边的寂寞的心才能有面对内心,审视内心,观照自我的机会,才能够经受精神炼狱而尽情品读生命况味。这样,经过长期的历练,经过无数内心的争斗,经过自我与外界多少回合的碰撞与妥协,才会有一种从容的心态,成就一种宽宏、激进、沉静的爱的襟怀，才会拥有完美的爱。

　　最近我看到一篇有关的文章,如下：

Advices from counselors!  Watch out, mates!!!

Blind love is not the way to choose a spouse. Here are practical tools for
keeping your eyes wide open.

With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a
serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. To
avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights.

1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after
youre married.

The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you
cant be happy with the person the way he or she is now, dont get
married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect
people to change after their married... for the worst!"

So when it comes to the other persons spirituality, character, personal
hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live
with these as they are now.

2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on
character.

Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of
the "Im in love" syndrome. "Im in love" often means, "Im in lust."
Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this persons
character?

Here are four character traits to definitely check for:

Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more
important than personal comfort?

Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does
s/he treat people s/he doesnt have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer
work? Give charity?

Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/hes
going to do?

Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he
emotionally stable?

Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a
child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?

3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesnt understand what a
woman needs most.

Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is
the man who just doesnt "get it." Jewish tradition places the onus on the
man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them.

The unique need of a woman is to be loved -- to feel that she is the most
important person in her husbands life. The husband needs to give her
consistent, quality attention.

This is most apparent in Judaisms approach to intimacy. The Torah
obligates the husband to meet the intimate needs of his wife. Intimacy is
always on the womans terms. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it
comes this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds:
on and off." Women are experience-oriented. When a man is able to switch
gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his
wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on
giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen.

4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life
goals and priorities.

There are three basic ways we connect with another person:
    1. chemistry and compatibility
    2. share common interests
    3. share common life goal

Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals
provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow
apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what youre "living
for," while youre single -- and then find someone who has come to the
same conclusion as you.

This is the true definition of a "soul mate." A soul mate is a goal mate
-- two people who ultimately share the same understanding of lifes
purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.

5. You choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too
quickly.

Intimacy before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it
often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Physical
involvement tends to cloud ones mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined
to make good decisions.

It is not necessary to take a "test drive" in order to find out if a
couple is physically compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you
are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you dont have to worry
about it. Of all the studies done on divorce, incompatibility in the
intimate arena is almost never cited as a main reason why people divorce.

6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional
connection with this person.

To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask:
"Do I respect and admire this person?"

This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" We are impressed by a
Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You
should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination,
etc.

Also ask: "Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she
emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?

7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you
dont feel emotionally safe.

Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed
with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this
person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a
really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person
you marry makes you feel the same way!

Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to
monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will
view it. If you?re afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly,
theres a problem with the relationship.

Another aspect of feeling safe is that you dont feel the other person is
trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive
person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you.
Theres a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions." A
suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their
benefit.

8. You pick the wrong person because you dont put everything on the
table.

Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for
discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to
evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work
together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably
arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve
your differences and find compromises that work for both of you?

10 Ways to Marry the Wrong Person
Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a
way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you
cant be vulnerable, then you cant be intimate. The two go hand in hand.

9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape
from personal problems and unhappiness.

If you are unhappy and single, youll probably be unhappy and married,
too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems.
If anything, marriage will exacerbate them.

If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to
fix it now while you are single. You?ll feel better, and your future
spouse will thank you.

10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.

To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or
something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who
hasnt separated from his or her parents is the classic example of
triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such
as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money.

Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person
caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You
will not be their number one priority. And thats no basis for a marriage.

　　"有些事必须经历了，才明白自己该怎么做！经历就是财富！自己该承受的，谁都无法代替。记住，你是女孩儿，学学男人，选择对自己有利的一面，别选择牺牲自己去成全别人，那样一点意义都没有！男人不会感激，只会忘记！”

　　也许有人会问：人生也要管理和经营吗？

　　比尔盖茨说过，人生就象一场熊熊燃烧的大火，我们所能做的，就是尽量从这场大火中抢救出有价值的一些东西来。对每个人而言，有价值的东西都不一样，有人觉得是亲情，有的觉得是爱情，有人觉得是事业，有人觉得是自己的兴趣爱好。每个人都可以有自己的侧重点，这并没有一个标准答案。

　　“人生的意义在于一个人所处的环境。被需要的程度越大，价值就越大。”

　　一粒种子如果掉到水里会淹死，掉到石头上会晒死，只有掉到肥沃的土壤里，才会长成参天大树。环境造就人，我们自己去为自己挑个好的环境，至少可以帮助自己经营和管理好一个成功的人生吧。

　　人生因为理想和梦想而伟大。一辈子短短几十年，一出生，每个人的终点都是一具棺材。如果没有目标，直接看到死，多没劲。只有目标足够大，足够高，才会让我们忘了短暂的生命，投入地过好精彩的每一天。

　　幸福是什么？幸福是期望值与现状的吻合程度，是一种满足感。成功是什么？成功是设定目标并达成之。没有永远的成功，只有不断的成功。朝预定方向每天进步一小点，就是成功。

　　可是为什么有些所谓成功的人，我们羡慕他们的结果，却不愿效仿他们的行为，不羡慕他们的生活状态呢？那是因为，成功的标准并不仅仅是钱那么简单。

　　假如你拥有了健康、家庭、朋友、快乐、成就感、财富，那么，你就拥有了幸福的人生。

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