学生：DAVID

学历：国内某中学高三在读，

语言成绩：TOEFL,第一次成绩：101分，第二次成绩：113分，

          SAT1，第一次成绩：1980，

申请学校：密歇根大学安娜堡分校等前30名校

 

案列挑战难度：DAVID申请的是生物专业，他平常参加的课余活动以及获得奖项都相对较少。DAVID专攻于理科，所以在文字表达以及处理上相对都存在很大问题，不知道文书需要重点突出的地方在哪里，也不知道如何通过文书将自己的能力以及优势展现出来。

 

录取过程：申请寄走时间：2009年9月30号

          录取通知到达时间：2009年10月23号

 

成功回顾：DAVID相对不擅于将自己的优势表现出来，而且DAVID参加过的活动以及获得奖项相对较少，为了将DAVID能够更自信的展现出来，文案同DAVID一一进行细致筛选其参加过的活动，并根据DAVID提供的活动素材来设计如何通过这些活动展现DAVID的各种能力。通过两周多的时间和DAVID敲定了所有细节之后将申请材料于2009年9月30号寄走。在不到一个月的情况下，DAVID就顺利拿到了全美排名23名的大学-----密歇根大学安娜堡分校的录取。

 

文书在写作时，我发现一个问题，就是千万不要等到时间紧迫，逼近最后日期的时候才担心写作文书。这样一来没有给充足时间了解和起草文书，也没有足够时间修改和发掘。这样很不利于申请的顺利进行。

 

1. 作文要求是说一个经历。

 

总体上来说，文章的要求不在于写什么重大事件，我要求的是，写出自己的真实经历，以小见大，以实践表现升华就可以了。另外，现在我们看到很多所谓“重大经历”都不是客观的描述，很多都是编造的。但是，即使是编造，就必须编造得像模像样啊。

 

我认为，文书的多少长短，文字的是否稚嫩，甚至是立意是否新颖，都在其次，申请文书的要害，就在于你能不能有一个见识和眼界的升华。这才是申请文书的关键所在。

 

I have been a part-time librarian in the school for nearly 5 years. As a librarian, I became passionate that the school library better satisfy the students' demand. It started out as an idea that suddenly occurred to me when I heard the complaints about the lack of variety of English books sources in the library of my middle school. There are increasing demands of the exported English books in their original versions. So I set out to investigate the book market and made a book purchase plan, which included a detailed purchase list, price, lead time and quantity. I planned to initiate the establishment of English Book Sources and submitted the plan to the principal. Through the discussion of the school leaders, the principal decided to offer a grant of 25, 000 yuan (RMB), 35 percentage of the amount in Book Purchasing Budget, to support this project and appointed me and another teacher of the library as the main directors of this project. Further fund would be provided if the books' use and management were in an ordered situation.

这一段话显得稍长，但是学校没有限制文字，那就慢慢写，写清楚了。有的同学问，一个图书馆的经历有用吗？我说有没有用处应该看同学有没有从中得到精神上的升华。文字，朴实无华就好了，一个高中生写不出花团锦簇的东西，也没那个必要。

 

I bought the books at the market and on the Internet according to the fixed plan. Soon, the first batch of over 150 books was transported to the library and books were highly recognized by teachers and students as well as school leaders. For the books, we still needed careful management. Our library did not have a complete electronic system, so I organized all the librarians to write the codes and catalogue in handwriting and set strict borrowing and lending regulations. One month later, most of the students desired more books. Through researching seriously and discussing with other school leaders, the principal decided to give us another grant of 80, 000 yuan (RMB) to purchase more books of different subjects and increase the quantity of popular reading on science and literature. Because I had accumulated experience in the first stage, I carried out the principal's decision smoothly in the second stage. No sooner than the second shipment, the foreign language book database was built. For this, my name was listed by the school on the library as the "Youngest Librarian who brought in the most books." Many of my teachers and classmates would come by just to say "thank you" "I appreciate your efforts for the books". After they borrowed form the library, I am so proud of it.

里面有一句倒装句表达不对，但是不影响意思的传达。大家看最后两句话的联系和意义。图书馆的藏书多少是小事，但是，帮助人和传达知识的火种更加值得关注。这里，要把这件事情写透了。

I have always believed that “action speaks louder than words”. It's the nature of the human beast, that we talk more about what's wrong in the world than what's good. I mean, finding the flaws is what mankind is good at because the world is never flawless. However, improving your circumstance is always something that we are inclined to do but is hard for us to get started and continue on. A library is place people gain knowledge and satisfy their curiosity. I am delighted my efforts to build up the foreign language book database can benefit people around me. If I am admitted to the University of Michigan, I would still look for the opportunity to assist members on campus and in the community and strive to make the University of Michigan more diversified.

点评密西根的录取和这件事情的联系，即，我去了你们那里，也会坚持做一些力所能及，而且有利于大家的事情。

 

2. 下面是第二篇的作文。一个挫折，一个让你记忆深刻的经历，一件改变你看法的事情。

 

这篇文章的内容最后也用在了别的学校的申请文书里。我没有重新选择另一个主题，而是仅仅对文书的框架做了小调整。另外，MUN的例子现在已经太多，建议同学们要慎重使用。

 

还是那句话，事情无所谓大小，写作文笔无所谓花哨，最关键的是什么？要有升华，要有提炼，要有进步。你，这么一个小毛孩，现在逐渐长大，有什么感想和感悟？这些感悟不是从天上掉下来的，而是一次次挫折和挑战中来的。有的人失败了，后退了，你呢，后退也要给出一个说法。这个说法，就是升华。

 

Model United Nations is something I have always been proud of as an active participant. Actually, I heard of this program when I was still in Junior High School, but I never thought that I would be that lucky to really participate in it and I never thought that MUN would motivate me to change and have lasting impact on me.

这是文章的简介，不用太长。

 

Because of my outstanding English capacity, good performance in class and my love for international politics, I was selected to accompany "Weland International" to visit America and join the Boston MUN sponsored by Massachusetts Institute of Technology and Boston College. My excellent English, full preparation and good understanding of the political issues made me confident that I would get an award. This overestimation took me to believe that other delegates should come directly to me and involve me as the center of their discussion. However, I found that I had difficulty to even get involved in the discussion of other delegates, which greatly affected my confidence. In the following sessions, I rarely made a speech and gave up the chance to organize the discussion. Lack of participation, due to my intimidation and growing discomfort of speech making, I failed to deliver expected results as planned in the most important session of the MUN. The Honor of First Prize simply walked away from any eyes to other delegate's hands. For the next few days, I sat in the hotel room, with the door closed tightly, thought about what happened.

这一段稍微长了一些，但是表达清楚了自己的劣势和失败的根本原因。

 

Back to school, I was thinking that MUN was like a mountain, on which I was climbing, but in the middle of the mountain, I gave up on myself. I was wavering between going upward straight to the top that was right in my way and going backward leaving the mountain and trying another one.

这里过度一段。

 

Should I now continue as usual, leaving this mountain unclimbed like a loser, or should I start to try on a totally different perspective? Things changed after thinking and struggling many days, I realized life could be perceived from another perspective. Life is about the journey, not the destination itself. I was always the top student in my class and gradually I was almost led to think naturally that I must pursue and get every reward I want. But things are not always this case. Failure from other perspective is sometime a victory in life. Nevertheless, I now have come to realize that rewards and recognition are not the end, whereas the perseverance to pursue perfection leading up to self improvement can be as important as a trophy on the wall. Looking back at MUN, I began to understand the true meaning of the event. The MUN is not a place where we compete in our English proficiency or where we step over one another so that we can reach to the top. The MUN is a place where we, the promising youth, gather together and share our interpretation and responsibility towards the world where we live in together, and a place we communicate and acquaint ourselves with the aspiring contemporaries.

如果说，奖品和认可都是虚假的，都不是我们追求的，那我们追求什么？文章的主要精华就在这几句话，没有别的花巧可言。另外，前面的主题是关于登山和登山的挑战，这里和下面都要有个呼应，文章才是贯通一气的。

 

Bearing the new perspective of the MUN, I was offered another opportunity to get enrolled in the Weland Model UN Conference 2008 abbreviated as WEMUNC 2008. In the summer of 2008, over fierce competitions of the school, I once again became a member of the school delegation and participated in WEMUNC 2008 as the chief representative. I became actively involved in the conference with all my passion toward MUN, but no longer for the rewards. I took the initiating to organize discussion, lead the panel review and design strategy in each session. This time, I will re-club this mountain, with a more steady preparation and more peaceful mind. I really enjoyed the meeting. I stayed in a positive mood throughout the conference. Because I learnt this time the most important as past is the climbing itself, not the far away top of the mountain. So I used negotiation skills and worked out creative solutions to the topics. In addition to that, the maturity I showed in my expression_r when delivering a speech won me the leading position in the political bloc. What surprised me the most was when the honor of "Best Delegate" was bestowed to me. I think at that moment, I truly reach the top of the mountain. This honor, in MUN history of 20 years, has never been presented to a non-English speaking participant, and I am the first one.

虽然奖项不重要，但是我们要说明我们的成绩得到认可。这个，也是必需的。