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深圳艾滋病感染者的忠告：不要以任何理由放纵自己
http://www.sznews.com 2009-08-29 15:46 深圳新闻网
沉迷欲望让小引付出了最沉重的代价，染上爱滋病毒后，他对自己过去的荒唐行为进行了深刻的反思，并真诚地告诫人们——
插图：曹丽华
小引说，这是一个无从忏悔的悲剧，代价太过沉重。“人有时真的很软弱，真的是不见棺材不落泪。”他说。由于不能自控，他一直在“玩火”，但在直面艾滋病的时候，他觉得以前所有的空虚寂寞、侥幸心理都不是理由，只是沉迷欲望的借口。“我像做错事的孩子，告诉大家不要再错了。”他说。
现在，他最深的感受就是，活着，不论是什么样状态的活着，是多么的美好。
忏悔并非无济于事，“我们要感激他的忏悔，因为自己的欲望，他为此付出了最沉重的代价，为所有人做出了警示。”一位网友说。
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“那是地狱的入口”
自从检查结果出来以后，小引和过去的生活彻底告别了。之前，因为感到空虚寂寞，或者是其他原因，他经常涉足一些风月场所。但是现在，他说：“我现在看那些风月场所，是地狱的入口，在吞噬很多人的生命。”
而过去他是怎么看的呢？“过去我也觉得这是地狱的入口，我也知道这里面的厉害。但是，我挡不住这种诱惑，我不相信这事情会发生在我身上。”甚至去做检查的时候，他都是很轻松，“因为我觉得没有什么问题，只不过是确认一下。”他说。
邓勐红认为，其实，有很多人涉足风月场所，都抱着侥幸的心理，觉得这种事情不会发生在自己身上，或者信任自己的判断力，认为做好了保护措施，就可以没有问题了，这是一种典型的玩火心态。
“我现在经常想，正是有了这个病，我才能好好地回想我自己。以前，不断地抛开自己的尊严，去放纵，一次又一次，就像吸毒一样，知道这是很丑恶的，但是就是控制不住。控制不住是理由吗？不是。是环境造成？感情的伤害？这些回头看来，都是借口。”小引声音低沉地说。
“我多希望一切可以重新来过，所以我这样地警示你们！我多希望那些事都没有发生，所以我请求更多的人来关注！”在深圳新闻网论坛上面，他沉痛地说。
这是一个无从忏悔的悲剧。结果出来后，小引深切地感受到，人生没有后悔的余地。“是谁造成了自己的悲剧？是谁葬送了自己的生命？是谁令家人陷入如此灾难性的困境？其实只是自己！”他说。
小引对记者说，自己选择对媒体说出来，就像做错事的孩子，要告诉别人不要做错事。“但悲哀的是，这个错误的代价太沉重了。”他一再对记者强调，“你一定要通过报纸告诉其他人，要珍惜自己，爱惜自己的身体，一定不要以任何理由、借口，在任何时候放纵自己、糟蹋自己的生命。这是我站出来告诉大家我的悲剧最大的目的。”
而在新闻网论坛的回帖中，有一位网友讲述他的经历，他曾经因为一次酒后放纵，害怕自己得上了病，那段时间感觉天都是黑的。然而比小引幸运的是，他的报告是阴性，但是那一段经历对他来说却是刻骨铭心的。“当报告拿到手的时候我在医院的大厅哭了，感觉自己重生了。但是即使这样，我现在还有恐惧的阴影，现在会时常反思自己的生命应该如何度过。”他说。
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“活着比什么都好”
小引告诉记者，现在觉得，活着比任何一个时候都美好。
“在得病之前，我也曾经有过一些绝望的念头，如痛苦和绝望时，我会想到死会比活着更好。但事实上，当我得病以后，真正要面对这个问题时，我觉得能活着，不管是多苦，多累，多低微，多委屈，多伤痛，那都是上天给我们最好的礼物。”小引说。
小引说，现在有时候走在街上，看到一切都是美好的，以前看不惯的东西，现在看来也会变得顺眼，以前感觉艰苦的东西，现在看来也变得比以前轻松……不过，让他最痛心的，莫过于担心６岁女儿的未来，“我想，自己还没尽到义务，我想看到自己老了的时候，看到她长大的时候，看到她结婚的时候。现在看来，是很难等到那个时候了……”他平静地说。
现在对小引来说，他觉得是“过去不可以重新来过，还是看如何面对现在的现实。”“我时常这样安慰自己，鼓励自己，我必须面对这一切，就算是要走向死亡，在情况还好的时期内，我还必须积极地活着。其实个人的生死并不可怕，那其实可能只是瞬间的事情，但是我还有家人，在这个意义上来讲，为了责任，我没有权利放弃自己。”他在论坛上面这样写道。
小引说，他不会因为感染而封闭自己，或者是缩小自己的生活圈子、朋友圈子，还是像往常一样上班、生活，保持往常的生活节奏，更加有利于自己更好地生活下去。不过，他会很注意保护他人，避免给他们感染的机会。他更不会像有些艾滋病人一样，报复这个社会。他甚至在论坛上呼吁，“我多希望和我有同样病的病友们都能正确地看待生命，看待社会，而不要去伤害别人，毁坏这个社会，毁坏别人的家庭和人生。”
“有些艾滋病人，因为心理不平衡，会产生报复社会的心理，他每报复一次，心理就会平衡一次。”邓勐红说，“但小引是一个很有责任感的人，知道努力生活下去就是目前的任务，这种积极的态度和求生的欲望，会是他较好走下去的一个心理动力。”
“现在对他来说，调节心理状态，比调节生理状态更加的重要。”邓勐红补充说。
【链接】
他会经历五个过程
类似于ＨＩＶ携带者这种目前无法治愈的病人，他会走出什么样的心路历程？心理咨询师邓勐红解释说，一般来说，他们会经历五个过程，提前了解五个过程，对小引以后的心态调整会比较有利。
第一个过程是否认。一个人拿到化验单的时候就会想，“啊，是不是搞错了。”他不相信，不能接受这个事实。
第二个过程是愤怒。愤怒有对内和对外的表达。对内的就是对自己的不满，对外是对别人、社会的愤怒。小引更多的是对自己的愤怒，“我怎么能这样？”“我为什么之前如此荒唐？”他一再这样表达。
第三个过程就是讨价还价。他们在怀疑，这个结果是对的吗？我是否需要再找一家技术水平更好的机构来核查一次？这个世界上是不是有万一的事情呢？如果换了几家都确认了，也就认了。等到确认以后，他会想，是否可以有其他途径可以治愈，比如去烧香拜佛，去找偏方等等，希望能够起死回生，寻找最后的救命草。
第四个过程是抑郁。这个过程是最痛苦的，这个过程中把自己陷在一种有气无力的状态，感觉所有的努力和挣扎都是无力的。而之前否认的时间越长，抑郁可能就越厉害，时间越长。邓勐红认为，小引有一个很积极的信号，他在接受这个事实，比如，在论坛上面发帖子，是一再告诉自己，确认这个事实，这会减轻他的抑郁。
最后的一个过程就是接受。他在心里面接受了，当他了解到自己处于这样的境况当中，该怎么做，才是对自己最有利的，从而积极寻求一些解决办法。
邓勐红说，小引所有的悲伤、愤怒、无奈都是很自然的，小引不要认为这种感觉是不对的，他要接纳这种感觉，所有的感受，都是可以自然表达出来的，这对自己更有利。（记者 叶志卫）
来源： 深圳特区报 编辑： 庄浩滨
Shenzhen AIDS Advice: Do not indulge themselves for any reason
http://www.sznews.com 2009-08-29 15:46 Shenzhen News Net
Obsessed with the desire to Kohiki paid the heaviest price, infected with the AIDS virus, the absurdity of his own past behavior had a profound reflection and sincere warning people --
Illustration: Cao Lihua
Kohiki said that this is a tragedy no repentance, the price was too heavy. "People are sometimes very weak and really tears the sight of coffins." He said. Unable to self-control, he has been "playing with fire," but in the face of AIDS, he felt all the previous emptiness loneliness, chances are not is the reason, just an excuse for indulging desires. "I like the kids do something wrong, tell us to stop the wrong." He said.
Now, his deepest feelings is alive, no matter what kind of state alive, how beautiful.
Repentance is not useless, "We are grateful to him for confession, as his own desires, he has paid the heaviest price, made a warning for everyone." One user said.
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"That was the entrance of hell"
Since the test results came out, Kohiki and past life thorough goodbye. Prior to because of his feeling lonely, empty, or for other reasons, he was always involved in a number of places Temptress Moon. But now, he said: "I'm looking at those places Temptress Moon, is the entrance of hell, in the phagocytosis of many people lives."
In the past, how he got to see it? "In the past I also think this is the entrance of hell, and I know it's worse inside. But I can not stop this temptation, I do not believe this would happen to me." And even went for a checkup, he had is very easy, "because I think that there was no problem, except to confirm this." he said.
Deng Meng red that, in fact, there are a lot of people involved in Temptress Moon places, are holding fluke psychological, that such incidents do not happen to them or trust their own common sense, that do a good job of protection measures, it will be no problem, and This is a typical mentality of playing with fire.
"I'm always like, it is with this disease, I was able to properly recall my own experience. Previously, constantly put aside their dignity, to indulge, once again, like a drug, like to know this is very ugly, and But that is uncontrollable. losing control is the reason? not. is it environmental? feelings hurt? These retrospect, are mere excuses. "Kohiki low voice said.
"I wish I could start over everything, so I like to alert you! Me hope that those things did not happen, so I ask more people to pay attention!" News Forum in Shenzhen, the top, he said painfully.
This is a tragedy no repentance. The results came out, Kohiki deeply felt in life there is no room for regret. "Who caused by his own tragedy? Who ruined his own life? Who brought the family to fall into such a disastrous predicament? Actually only own!" He said.
Kohiki told reporters that the media of their choice say it, just like the children do something wrong, we should tell people not to make mistakes. "But the sad thing is that the cost of this mistake too heavy." He has repeatedly stressed to the reporter, "You must tell the other people through newspapers, we should treasure their own and cherish their own bodies must not for any reason, excuse, in any time to indulge themselves, spoil their lives. This is what I stand up and tell you the tragedy of my greatest goal. "
In the News Network Forum, Replies, there is a User about his experiences, he had a drink because of indulgence, fear that she has on the disease, that period of time feeling days are dark. However, more than Kohiki Fortunately, his report was negative, but that is an experience for him was unforgettable. "When I first got my report when I cried in the hospital lobby, she felt reborn. But even so, I still have the shadow of fear, now we often reflect on how to spend their lives." He said.
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"Live better than anything else"
Kohiki told reporters, and now feel alive better than any one time.
"In the sick, I had also had some thoughts of despair, such as pain and despair, I will think of a better alive than dead. But in fact, when I get sick later, really want to face this problem, I think alive, whether it is more bitter, more tired, more humble, more grievances, more pain, that is the best gift God gave us. "Kohiki said.
Kohiki said that it sometimes walking on the street and see everything is OK, the former bear the sight of things, it now appears will become unacceptable and felt the hard stuff before, and now seems to have become than ever before Easy ... ... However, let his most painful, than worry about 6-year-old daughter's future, "I think that he has not fulfilled obligations, I would like to see my old time, to see her growing up, watching the time of her marriage. Now it seems that it is very difficult to wait until that time ... ... "he said quietly.
Kohiki now, he feel that it is "in the past can not start over, or to see how to face the reality now." "I have always consoled himself, encouraging himself, I have to face all of this, even to dying , in the period of time has been good, I also must actively alive. In fact, the fate of individuals is not terrible, it actually may just be an instant thing, but I still have family, in this sense, in order to responsibility, I have no right to give up. "He wrote in the forum above.
Kohiki said he would not be closed because of infection in themselves or their own lives is to narrow the circle, circle of friends, or work as usual, life, to keep the usual pace of life, are more conducive to better their own lives. However, he would very much attention to the protection of others and avoid giving them the chance of infection. He would not, as some people with AIDS, as retaliation for the community. He even called at the forum, "I always hope and I have the same illness, she has able to correctly understand the life, look at the social, rather than going to hurt someone else, the destruction of this society, destroying other people's family and life."
"There are some people with AIDS because of the psychological imbalance will result in retaliation for the psychology of society, his revenge every time, it will balance the psychological one." Deng Meng-hong said, "but Kohiki is a very responsible person, know that to live is the current tasks, such a positive attitude and the desire for survival would be better that he walk down a psychological motivation. "
"Now for him to regulate the state of mind, even more than that regulate important physiological status." Deng Meng Hung added.
【Link】
He will experience the process of 5
Similar to the HIV carriers that are unable to cure patients, he would be out of the mentality of what? Psychologist Deng Meng Hung explained that, in general, they will experience five the process in advance about 5 process, right Kohiki subsequent adjustment will be more favorable attitude.
The first process is denied. A person will get when testing a single thought, "ah, is not wrong." He does not believe, can not accept this fact.
The second process is anger. There are internal and external anger expression. Internally is their dissatisfaction with the outside for other people, the community's anger. Kohiki more of their own anger, "how can I do that?" "Why am I so absurd before?" He repeated this expression.
The third process is a bargain. They suspect that this result is that right? Do I need to find a level of technology and better institutions to verify once? This world is there in case things? If you changed a few have confirmed, and also confessed. Wait for confirmation, he will think that if there are other ways to cure, such as burning incense to the Buddha, to get prescriptions, etc., hoping to revive, to find the last Jiuming Cao.
The fourth process is depression. This process is the most painful, the process itself trapped in a weakly state, feeling all the efforts and struggles are powerless. The longer the time before the denial, depression may be more severe, longer. Deng Meng-hong that Kohiki there is a very positive signal, he accepted the fact that, for example, in the forum above, post, is to continually remind herself to confirm this fact, it would alleviate his depression.
The final one is to accept process. He accepted the heart inside, and when he learned among themselves in such a situation, the how to do it is right in their best interest to actively seek some solutions.
Deng Meng-hong said, Kohiki all the sadness, anger, frustration is very natural, Kohiki do not think this feeling is wrong, he should accept this kind of feeling, all the feelings, can all be naturally expressed, and this right themselves even more. (Reporter Ye Wei)
Source: Shenzhen Special Zone Press Editor: Zhuang Hao Bin
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